For all you new or expecting Mamas, enjoy. It may be something you already knew or are just learning, but either way hopefully it'll give you a much needed giggle.
- The sounds: How on Earth is it possible that such (g)astronomical sounds can come from such a teensy person? And how on Earth is it possible that every single person I know with children has failed to mention this little (only not little at all) piece of information. Not sure what I'm talking about just yet? Just wait!
- The sleep deprivation: Ok, no new parent expects to get much sleep. I wasn't naive to this fact, but I was naive to the fact that not only would it be so strange to adjust to sleeping in 1-2 hour increments (3 on a really really lucky night when Husband is being particularly super sweet and snuggling little guy the whole time just so Mama can sleep -- it's only happened once...), but that it would be so difficult to fall asleep when it's the only thing that I want to do and my sweet son is alas sleeping soundly (soundly as in making so many sounds I can hardly sleep and then start to think about how soon it is until I must wake again and then Oh, Oh, it's time and I yet again forgot/was unable/tried (sort of) to actually sleep when he was sleeping). These kids are no joke! And neither is breastfeeding and whew I'm glad I got that out! And no one explains that no matter how sleep deprived you are, as soon as that sweet baby hits your arm hungry and knowing you are the only one that can satisfy him, you immediately forget how sleep deprived you are. It's just you and him -- and whatever junk is on television or your iPhone at 1, 3, 5, and 7am.
- Holy thirstiness: I seem to remember something about this during our ALL day hospital class (which I promptly forgot as soon as the chocolate covered cherry pie that I rewarded myself with after said all day class hit my mouth) and I know that the BrestFriend breastfeeding pillow comes with a pocket for bottled water for a reason, but golly gee, who could have imagined that breastfeeding would leave your body thinking you had just run a marathon 8-12 times over each (and every) day! Parched is an understatement.
- Boys pee (a lot) (and out of their diapers) (a lot): I'm sure girls pee just as much. At least that would tend to be logically appropriate. However, little girls, as we all know, don't have the "gear" that little boys do. Said gear, which to my surprise has now created a lovely "treatment" above/below/around the wall above/below/around the changing station. And the curtains, but we'll blame that on Husband. He was being paricularly brave while changing Harper (read: haha look at this, he's naked and cute and naked and um, honey he's peeing -- all over you -- and the curtains). Which brings me to my next point...
- Point it down: So, we all reasonably expect that if we diaper correctly it will catch all of what it is supposed to. Not so. Not so. That is if you have a boy. During that all day hospital class, one of the things I actually did take away with me was the advice to always point it down. The nurse reminisced about her son consistently wetting through nearly every outfit she placed him in as he was actually peeing out of his diaper. Got it. Point it down. Not so fast. Remember #2? Well, let's just say my Husband and I's brains don't quite fire like they used to. And as logical and easy as it should be to remember such a simple idea is well, not logical or easy when you can no longer remember what day it is. Let's just say 3.5 weeks in, it's still absoulutely hilarious and simultaneously the most unfunny thing in the world when our little man wets an entire outfit because we can't manage to remember to "point it down". Maybe I'll post a sign above the changing station -- but laminate it first, because we all know what's going to happen next time we change the little guy.